*Ain't No Nothin' But Me./}

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shan

don't look up just let them think

there's no place else you'd rather be in now

you can't turn back

because this road is all you'll ever have

plugin&play Music saves our souls Right Round-Flo Rida.mp3 - Flo Rida
Bury all your secrets in my skin Come away with innocence And leave me with my sins The air around me still feels like a cage And love is just a camouflage For what resembles rage again I never knew how to decieve. A talent meant to be forbidden. Until I put on an ashamed mask. From that moment - I was hidden. My morals were lost in a dream. Toys followed rules to my game. Illusions I've created were extreme. A chaotic world - never the same. Under the pressure I am falling. Blind to the life that is real. On the ground I am crawling. Afraid of emotions - I will feel. I never knew how to believe. A talent meant to be true. Until the light has found me. A nightmare cured - because of you.	Tuesday, May 26, 2009, 10:19 AM I guess I'm not willing to let you go, I've buried my feelings, I've lost all that you know, You tell me to go on, To remember to laugh, But I feel broken, I can't let go of the past, You didn't deserve all that you got, I miss you so much, I love you more than you know, You are worth the fuss, I am so happy that I met you, I'm so happy you are back, No more sleepless nights, Singing myself to sleep, I love you Wednesday, May 20, 2009, 9:43 AM Not the God, Not the Devil, Just a Friend. Came from somewhere and is Visiting Earth, till the End. Trying to enjoy Life and what it brings me. Never, Maybe Sometimes, world-weary, trying to cross every road and bend. Going through, both, sunshine and rain. Not pushing against; just taking, to anywhere, Life's magnificent train. I can feel it, somewhere in my chest...I think it might be climbing into my throat. Little claws hook into the tender, delicate skin deep that lines my trachea; the pain is at first subtle and complex, then it blossoms and descends through layers of muscle and sinew, undulating and shifting. I hold my breath for a moment, hoping to shake off this burden, hoping that it'll fall out on its own, unable to survive in the stifling vacuum I've created. But it doesn't. It's here to stay. A vacuum isn't the only thing I've created today. I've given birth to this new monster that's currently holed up above my lungs: guilt. If I could pull it out and stuff it into a handbag I would. It'd be a little less unwieldy and a bit easier to misplace. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder: if this remorse was born today, it is but a sapling, a seed. It's a monster now but what might it grow into? Acceptance? Forgiveness? Bitterness? Hatred? Maybe it's not worth removing after all. Maybe the roots of the guilt-sapling can build a foundation for something more promising....and less painful. I'm so freaking frustrated. How could i have been so heartless, not thinking about another person's feeling when i wrote the earlier post. Am i turning into e monster, that will continue to be stone hearted? I have never hurt someone intentionally in my whole life and now? without thinking twice i wrote something like that? I'm sorry? Are these words so easily said be effective? Does it mend a broken heart? Does it clear u of all your sins? Can everything be brushed aside? I think not. Well i really don't know what to say no more. What is my stand in life? what am i gonna do with it? It seems the more harder I try to study something will stop me. Have to start studying soon no like NOW! and i really do not know why when i'm just sitting down doing nothing people think i am sad. Where is e smile on my face that was ever present? Where is the laughter that could be heard miles away? Where is the enthusiasm that made people believe? Where is the person that could make anyone laugh no matter what troubles him? Where is he? PS: I'm no monster Tuesday, May 19, 2009, 9:40 PM HATE The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. I 'm not the kind of person who hates or bear grudges. But then there are a few people in this world who deserves to be hated and left alone rotting by the road. Yes that's how much of hatred i have for you. You have spoiled my life this year and i was blinded by your fucking lies and emotions and everything of you is a lie. Your life is a lie. When i hear your name or even do something that is related to u i feel so fucked up. I chose you over her and in the end what happened to me? And u dare to talk about hypocrites ? Look at yourself in the mirror and don't lie to your yourself for once and think about it deep down right into your heart , if u have one, and say that you are no hypocrite. You don't know how much i hate u, i feel like telling u off on your face but then again why bother on such sinful soul like you. And now don't think that i have not gotten over you. I don't think about you at all but I'm writing this post so i can clear this out of my system and bury all your thoughts in this post. RIP BITCH You've given up on me, you have no care for me at all. When I needed someone pushing me to the top, you just sat there and let me fall, and painfully crash into the hard ground. Never in my world have I seen such a heartless, wretched, poor excuse for a human. Never in my whole existence have I ever heard three words that were nothing more than a lie, those words: "I love you" shouldn't even be used by an infernal being like you. Just the thought of you telling me how you care about me, I feel like shattering my ear drums, instead of letting you get in my head and under my skin. How can someone I looked up to as an angel, but in reality, be the most feral demon I have ever laid eyes on? All your childish acts of larceny, all of your threats that you have spoken out of your lying mouth, they all mean nothing to me. How you always pull your guilt trips, it's pitiful to have to see you stoop so low. It's pitiful to have to watch you say your sorry, but deep in your blackened, rotten heart your not. Don't give me your "baby I love you" How about two words from me: "Shut up!". And, when you give me your little "I need you, your the one" please, as if you don't lie enough. What have I done to recieve someone as sorry as you? Did I commit a sin that is unforgivable? There has to be something I did, or will do, to have you torture me with your annoying face, voice, and presence. I guess what I'm trying to get at is....I hate you, down to the bone..... Thursday, May 14, 2009, 11:34 AM When you think of suicide, Listen to me and fight, It ain't the way to end, Cause it haven't even began, Look and me and ask, Do you really wanna go that fast? Is misery that much you can't take? I really don't know whats happening to me. Sleepless nights, feeling as thou I'm trapped in some prison, feeling so squeezed. Always thinking of what could be bothering me for this long and yet there seems to be nothing. Really frustrating. Everything is mechanical and on going. How i wish time would just stop for a moment or two. But then again, there is a saying "Time stops for no man." Friends become enemies, Enemies become friends. Fate/Destiny are really cruel words. It changes just by a snap of a finger. Everything is fated, no matter how hard you try it's just going to end e way is supposed to. What we all can do now is just keep FAITH in what we are doing and hopefully we can succeed in whatever we want to do. Break-Up's are part and parcel of life no matter how hard one tries it is fated. This post is for you, i could not tell u this face to face as i can't see u hurt. He may have left u but please don't let your world fall apart. Don't ever forget that u have all of us behind u, no matter what and that is a promise.Even though you will, understandably, feel hurt, unloved, unwanted and rejected and, wonder what u did wrong, it is better not to dwell on this for too long. It is more than likely that you will never find out the real truth and although it will not be easy at first, you must face up to what has happened. Tell yourself that the situation was out of your control, so you are not to blame and that your ex-partner is not coming back. It is all too easy to think that you will never have another perfect relationship like the one that has just ended, when in fact, it must have been far from perfect or you would still be together. You must make yourself understand that you can still have another relationship, although it will not be the same, it will be equally as fulfilling and probably better. The best company to keep at this time is that of your family and friends, we will listen to you 'pouring out your heart' and comfort you - offering you as many tissues as you require.(and i wont complain that tissues are very expensive! :p) NEVER SUFFER IN SILENCE AND REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE HERE! Sunday, May 10, 2009, 12:55 AM Happy Mother's Day Mother dearest, You have pretty eyes Your hands work hard You gave me life, care, shelter, food joy, freedom, pity, luck, smiles, things, and help You were with me when I cried You embraced and soothed me when I was sad You gave me a good education Friends who are not bad influences You are indulgent giving me everything I want With your love But now it's time to give you the only thing I can give Love I love you Mom Please hug me Forgive me for being greedy For making you work hard For worrying you Let's cry together Hug me You are my treasure My only Mom You had to carry me for nine months Let's hug for nine minutes Thank you for everything you do Happy Mother's Day, Mom I'll give you the love you gave me all along Hug me, Mom Happy Mother's Day Let's smile, not cry All day TOGETHER Hug me, Mom I love you Tuesday, May 5, 2009, 9:17 AM Hello to myself. Hello to my personal hell. Not exactly mental. But this situation is very stressful. I’m lookin’ in the mirror. Wonderin’ how I got here. I’m talking to myself again. asking me when I want it to end. But when it’s late at night, and I’m by myself. All the ghosts in the mirror comin’ out to get me. comin’ out to get me. And when it doesn’t feel right, that’s when they decide to strike. “Hello who is that?” My mirror image, I think we need to chat. When do you think we will break down my iron will? Something needs to change now. Before I completely fall down. And when I’m looking in the mirror I wonder who brought me here. I’m talking to myself again and I tell myself I’m ready for it to end. But when it’s late at night, and I’m by myself. All the ghosts in the mirror comin’ out to get me. comin’ out to get me. And when it doesn’t feel right, that’s when they decide to strike. The mirror is talkin to me. The ghosts in the mirror are talkin to me. They wanna try and get me, They wanna try and kill me. But when it’s late at night, and I’m by myself. All the ghosts in the mirror comin’ out to get me. comin’ out to get me. And when it doesn’t feel right, that’s when they decide to strike. When I look in the mirror I realize I brought myself here. There is no such thing as fear. We only know it because fear is all we hear Woke up at 6 20 am and got a really sweet sms from my darling lil best friend GURPREET kaur! "Oh my god, Gushan! Youre gonna sit fr ur poa n maths papers. All the best, ok? like i said, put the blame on me if you didnt pass. Its my fault. I really needed a bestf at tt moment of time n you was ther, thanks dude. I really do appreciate it, You was right, not only teared bt cried actually while i was one th phone w/u n jas. Ure always there whn i nid . Ure the best. I dont know what will ull do if i was still enemies w/u. AT times i just wished (insert phrase) So understanding, yes love life aside. Now to pay back, gib me a call n ill be thr fr you. Name me d person,ill kick his balls. If its a girl, ill make her pregnant. ok dont ask me how. somehow, ill. Otherwise, im not GURPREET Deii!! cahnge my name. HAHA, My plan worked, well fr not going t school. Yayness much? AND YOU! all th best, dont sleep. Pass w/ flying colours. Be greatful tt im taking 5 min t send this 6 text long. Tc" Gurpreet is damn SWEET, and not a bitch. She thinks eveyone thinks she is one when she is not! Maths paper was suchha bitch. I looked at e paper took a deep breath and started it. E paper was really tough. Paper was for 2 hours long but i managed to "finish" it in an hour. Slept for e next hour. Then came e biggest shock! The POA paper was like alien to us. Firstly i never ever saw e questions in my life and what i was told to study did not even come out? wth la? e whole class were like shell shocked! How could she do this us? AHh wtever la? like no mood to study and feel like giving up. Been memorising my Social Studies for e past 2 hours. Really hope ill do well for it. Tmr SS and F n N paper. I don't think i want to take my F n N paper . Hopefully i'll get a guts to just skip e paper. I guess ill end it here, so much more left to say but i rather leave it unsaid. Labels: Giving up Sunday, May 3, 2009, 9:03 AM Many things can last forever, or so the life span they are given. What we take for granted one day, may be the life changer or destruction of another. . Just as my head sank beneath the water. The deception, hatred and lies just dragged me under. How I came to rise out of such volatile emotion; springing back up to the surface so I may breathe once more. I won't say that I was born again, but I can say it was a higher plain of existence that changed me. Leave one spirit behind and embrace your new one. They say in life, you can have fun and pleasure from anything you want, as long as you will allow yourself embrace the situation mind, body and soul. I have given up all of those, for the desire that I weakly hold on to. As you can feel the rope slipping through your bloody grasp every so many days. Everyone seems to be fighting with one another now days. They do not think of the consequences, just stating what ever we feel and not thinking about how others feel. I'm no angel either but if u look at it in a bigger prospect u may understand what we are going through. Maturity may play a big part in this but yet again if u go back to what has happened it all boils down to you and only you. Always denying , pretending and running away. We do know that e world is against u but u have to muster your courage and face it. We all believe in u. Esteem levels may be low but pick it up, walk with your head hanging high up in e sky cause u know u deserve that, not just going around and being used by other people. There is limit for care and compassion but overdoing it would not do anyone any good. I may have hurt you and I'm sorry but all i want is for u to be happy, nth more. We all love u alot. God! exams has all ready started and this problems have to come out? as tho it has been scripted. Everything seems to be too familiar. A hint of De Ja VU? i really hope not. It has been a long time since i really have settled down but now, everything seems to be in a mess and this time there may be no turning back. What is said is said, what is done is done and now i can only look at e ominous future. Having O levels is such a bitch , there is only one strike and there is no room for ever. I feel so unmotivated to do anything. Its like having e blues everyday. Today tried to study, managed to memorise a chapter on Globalisation and leaned how to do VECTORS! OK its really late now gotta wake up early tmr! bye! :D Labels: end?		thedeceptionist Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt. Hello earthling, you have just step into Gurshan's Paradise. My parents brought me into this world on 23rd of July Just like any human or you, I eat/ play/ laugh/ cry/ sleep. I'm unique & special in my own way. Make fun of me? I wun give a damn about it. Cause I know that you're jealous because I'm special & u're not. Can't stand me? Oh, simply fcuk off & dun ever come back again. Copycat & dogs are not welcome here. Blow kisses to peoples leave a tags. Remember to come back for my tag repies. Last but not least, puh-lease enjoy your stay here .		partners in crime Angeline. Fuad. Dhivya. Gurpreet. Gurvin. Jasdeep. Kah Min. Li Ran. Madeleine. Param Preet. Soni. Sonia Dubay. back to yesterday + I guess I'm not willing to let you go,I've buried ... + Not the God, Not the Devil, Just a Friend.Came fro... + HATE + When you think of suicide, Listen to me and fight,... + Happy Mother's Day + Hello to myself. Hello to my personal hell. Not ex... + Many things can last forever, or so the life span ... + Memories that wld be cherished when i'm gone + April 2009 + May 2009 take a bow An accidentality production Inspiration from DancingSheep & BONBON:D		theventingmachine